I deSpeRateLy neEd coMfoRt..

Yesterday as i watched the movie "The Passion of Christ" once more, i realised that each time I watch it, there is always something new for me to learn there. This time as I watched it, as the nails painfully went through His palm, the Lord did not cry out in pain but instead, He prayed for the people that hurt Him. This showed me the example of forgiveness. As he commanded the people to love one another, this showed me the example of love. Learning the example of Jesus Christ is easy, but to actually put it to practice, why does it seem so hard? Why is it so hard for me to actually forgive someone who has actually hurt me again and again? Why is it so hard to actually put their mistakes aside? Why is it even harder to ignore the mistakes they seem to make over and over again? I desperately need comfort.. because I feel unworthy.. Unworthy to gain forgiveness because I myself can't find the courage to forgive others. I think saying "I forgive you' is easy.. but deep down in our hearts, that cut will always be there. I remember edmond telling me a story of a young boy who had a really bad temper. Each time he loses his temper, his dad told him to hammer a nail in a piece of wood. Soon, the hammering really tired him out and eventually, he learnt to control his temper. And not long after that, his dad told him to take out a nail for each time he managed to control his temper. The little boy soon pulled out all the nails. And his dad told him, "See boy, once the nail goes in and come out, it always leaves a hole there. That hole can never be covered up anymore".. That goes the same to my heart. Once the hole is there, no matter how many nails you try to pull out, it will always be there. But it's different when I am a child of God. The atonement enables me to cover up those holes, but I just can't seem to find that ability to do so. I've tried my best to love, but it still seems hard to forgive. Deep down, it is the hardest. To love, I can. To forgive, I still need work.. Why can't we just live in a world where there will never be hatred? I know that is a principle only God will understand.. and I know, He put hatred on the earth, to test us. I am determined to overcome that test.. but when can I actually succeed?....